The magic died

Writing this particular post isn’t easy. I’m always honest, but this is hard to admit. To explain what happened won’t be easy and I have to go back a little bit in time so bear with me if this story starts a bit boring. In this post, I’ll write about Billie Eilish, the magic she has given me, and how this magic finally died.

I haven’t been a Billie Eilish fan from Day One because I didn’t know her when her first album was released. I don’t know when exactly but at some point I heard one or two songs of her which I really liked. I think it was 2020 when I finally decided to google her, read her bio and started to listen to more of her songs. I became a fan, and not only that, I became obsessed with her story. To understand you have to know that I’ve been dreaming of becoming a famous singer myself ever since I was a little girl. I remember how I always thought that I wanted to make a different kind of music than other artists, not wear make-up and wear comfortable clothes and shoes. Obviously, that didn’t happen, but when I found Billie, I was immediately drawn to her “rebellious” style of music and clothes. She wasn’t like any other popstar. She was different. In 2021, her second album was released, and this was the next level for me. I could hear how she matured and couldn’t believe the topics she wrote about. Her music really is incredible, I don’t know how else to put it. It’s not only the lyrics but also the sounds she’s using and the way that she and her brother add everyday conversations into the songs. When I saw her tour announcement, it was clear to me that I had to get tickets. I still remember the emotional rollercoaster I went through when the ticket sale started. I tried to get a ticket, and when I finally made it through the queue, my credit card didn’t work because I didn’t know the 3D secure password. Anyway, I already thought I lost my chance because the whole world tour was sold out in about 10 minutes when I remembered that the UK is one hour behind in time. So I reset my password and entered once more at 11 a.m. UK time. I couldn’t believe it when I got a ticket for her London show. That was 13 months before the actual show.
I started to learn all of her songs, watch all her interviews, buy her merch, and just anything a crazy fan would do. What you also gotta understand is that never in my life have I ever been such a big fan of anyone. In my teenage years, my favourite singer was Christina Aguilera, and back then, we didn’t have the possibilities we have now. Like I would have never been able to afford a ticket to a show, yet alone merch. We didn’t have social media like we know it now. The only thing we had was Facebook, Myspace, and similar stuff. None of them had stories or anything remotely like today. No famous person shared their everyday life and gave you the feeling like you would really know them. They were all far away, like on a different planet, like magic.
Billie was also on a different planet to me, but at least I could be a part of her show. I have never been to a concert before in my life because even in my early 20s, I haven’t been a big enough fan of anyone to even think about buying a ticket to their show. The only thing I’ve ever been to was “The Dome 52” when I was 15.
So a year passed by, and finally, it was here. The show in London. I had one of the worst seats, but that didn’t matter to me. First, I was impressed by the massive O2 arena itself. Second, I was also able to get a ticket to the “Overheated” event. It was about climate change organised by Billie’s mom, and Billie attended as well. I got a ticket for the second row and was able to see Billie up close for the very first time.

She was only there to speak for about two minutes, but I was fascinated that I was able to see her. I remember how I thought, ‘Wow, she’s just a normal person like me.’ I thought that as well when I went to see Nena at the red carpet of The Dome, and she said something to me. Crazy how unreal famous people appear in magazines and online, but when you see them in real life, it’s like seeing a neighbour.
Anyway, when the actual show started, I was flashed. Unfortunately, I had a seating ticket, but about halfway through the show, I couldn’t stand it any longer and left my seat to stand and jump around. It was amazing. I can not describe how truly wonderful this experience was to me and how I looked up to Billie even more.

Obviously, I follow her on Instagram, so about two months ago, I saw her announcement that she would be attending the Sziget festival in Budapest. Budapest!! How close to where I live! And the date! Three days before my birthday! Of course I bought a ticket and booked an accommodation. Soon enough, the day was here, and because this was a festival, I knew that I could be able to make it to the front if I got there early. At first I thought I’d go there at 8 a.m., but people back home who have been on festivals told me that would be way too early, lunchtime would be soon enough. I told them that they don’t know Billie Eilish fans, and it turned out I was right. I arrived at the main stage at about 10:30 a.m. and there were already a lot of people. I could not see myself getting a spot at the very front, but at least in the front area. So I joined the hardcore fans (the earliest arrived at 6.30 a.m.) and sat down in front of the lines to the front stage area. I found a girl who saved my seat so I could grab some food and go to the toilet. It was hot as hell, and we all were very grateful that the fire fighters repeatedly showered us in water. At around 12 p.m. it started to get more crowded, and people started to become a bit pushy. To be honest, I was a little disappointed by the fans. They all seemed to keep to themselves and just fixated on how to get to the very front. Tension was building up until finally, at 1 p.m., they opened the barrier to the front area. People went nuts and ran for their lives to the stage barrier. One girl even fell, and I was happy to see that a man stopped his run to help her. It gave me hope that not all humanity was lost. Obviously, I ran too and was able to make it to the first row, not in the middle but at least on one side of the stage. I couldn’t believe it and was very happy.

Hours passed by, and after two other artists, Billie finally started her performance. I made signs and held them up whenever she came close to our side in the hope of her noticing. I did expect her to come down from the stage to us fans, who have been waiting here for 10 to 15 hours to get these front spots. The two other artists before her did that, and I saw it happening a lot of times in videos of her other shows.
One thing that wasn’t too cool was that from the position I was in, I couldn’t see the middle stage bridge, but it didn’t matter, I was just happy to be this close. When she came close to us the first time, I thought once more about how “normal” famous people are. I had many thoughts crossing my mind. Another one was how crazy it must look from the stage, seeing a crowd of thousands of people. How would you recognise one single person? How can you not just see a crowd? Soon it hit me: You can’t. None of us is unique in this moment. At this moment, we were all just a huge crowd and not a single person. Turned out, I was right. Billie did not leave the stage, and I have to admit that I was disappointed. I really hoped that waiting that long would be more appreciated. The other thing I noticed and I noticed this online in fan videos as well was that the performance was almost exactly the same as the one of her world tour a year earlier. She only added two new songs and left others out, but other than that, her intro, the order of the songs, her dancing, it was all the same. Considering that the world tour has been over for more than six months and she has just been attending festivals and concerts since then, I was hoping to see something new.
Add that to my greatest disappointment, which was that she didn’t leave the stage and you know how the magic died. I don’t blame her completely. I understand that the crowd is massive, and you can’t be close with anyone at a place like this. But she knows how crazy her fans are. She knows that some of us wait hours and hours in every weather, risking our health (many people fainted), just to get a spot at the very front. So, at least for those people, it would have been nice to run down and at least clap our hands.
That being said, one question remains: Will I attend one of her shows again? Well, that depends. First of all, I know that she’s working on a new album, and I’m guessing it might come out by the end of this year or the beginning of the next. Obviously, I’ll have to listen to it and see if I like it as much as the previous ones. Second, I know I’ll never go to a headline performance of her again, unless there are other artists I wanna see as well because I had the impression, that she puts more effort into her very own shows.
I also understand that after performing the same songs for two years now, it must even be a bit boring to herself. Still, if I’m completely honest, I was hoping for more. I was hoping for an incredible front row experience. I was hoping to not only see Billie performing up close but to feel her close. I was hoping for magic. But the magic died.