I put myself first

So I’ve just been talking to a friend, catching up about our lives, and she told me about stuff that she did for herself, money she spent on herself after being in a dark place. I could relate to that so much. In a few months, I’ll turn 29, and it makes me think a lot about recent years and what’s been going on in my life. There is so much stuff that I’ve been through in the past four years, and so much has changed for me in the past six months. I finally figured out how to take care of myself, what is important in life, and what I really want to do. Anyone who met me in 2018 or 2019 was impressed by the ambitious goals I had for my career. Today, it makes me smile when I think about what I wanted then and what I want now. I have changed a lot for the better. I think the start for that change was moving to Australia. Being away from home, my family, my friends, and starting a whole new life was the first step into finding out who I am and where I want to go in life. I used to think a job, and especially a career, is the most important thing in life, and I was always looking out for others and caring for people who weren’t my responsibility at all. I was always at the bottom of the list. Everyone else’s needs were always put before my own. Today, I finally have the strength to put myself first. I think it was one of the hardest things I ever had to learn in life.

This time last year, it was eleven days to the deadline of handing in my master thesis. I studied and worked three jobs and started another educational course by the end of May. Today I only have a part time job (first time in my life I’m not working at least 38 hours per week), I am a football coach, I take music lessons and go to therapy. How amazing my life has turned out. There are moments when I think to myself, I wish I had known this earlier. But honestly, earlier I wasn’t ready. Earlier I needed to do all that stuff, to lose control, to burn out, to be overloaded, to break down, all so I can take a step back, analyse my life and find out where I’ve been going wrong to find my way back to the right track. But did I really ever go wrong? I don’t think so. I think everything happens for a reason and sometimes we have to go through some stuff and bad things happen in our life so we can learn something and become better. For me, that happened, and I’m so proud of myself for where I am today. I’m only doing stuff that I like, and I’m only doing stuff for myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still there if somebody needs me, but I come first. My needs come first. I can’t help anyone if I’m not helping myself.

I still have some struggles that I’m working on in therapy, and I hope that next year, I’ll be in an even better place than now. But I know that big changes take time, and I’m finally patient enough to walk the long way that will lead to wherever I’m meant to be.

I’m sending a lot of love to anyone who goes through tough times, struggels with anything, and to everyone who’s happy or on their way to happiness!