Thoughts On A Bad Day

I never thought that this would ever happen in my life. But today is the day. It happened. I’m afraid. Not because of the Corona Virus. Not because people go crazy. Not because groceries are getting empty. But because I lost my job. A job I didn’t even start yet. A job I didn’t even know what kind of job. My safety. My stability. My income. My everything.

I spent all my savings for traveling and I do NOT regret that. But this is crazy. Coming back with nothing more than two suitcases when I left with over 10000 Euros. Why did I do that? Because I was thinking that I am coming back home. Where everything is safe. Where I have my family. My friends. My life. And then I come to this.

Nothing.

If I knew what would have happened today I would have never come back to here. Any place where you’re not locked up is better than this. Especially for me. A traveler. A free spirit. A person who’s biggest fear is to stand still. Not being able to move is my biggest nightmare.

All I can hope for now is that it’s not forever.

But I do know that this will change everything. The whole world. Like 9/11.

I wonder how they lived during the world wars. I wonder if I ever want to put kids into this dark ugly world.

Today a four year old girl told me that she looked out of the window and saw darkness. And she thought that the world would go down.

If a four year old thinks that, what would she think about all the shit that’s going on that she doesn’t even understand? Or maybe she does. Who knows. When I look at her and her two year old sister I wish I was their age. Not to worry about all of this is the dream.

After visiting 29 countries and doing all the crazy stuff I did since I was a young child I would have never ever imagined that I would ever feel that way.

Not afraid of a virus that can kill. But afraid of not having a job and being able to save enough money to travel. Being trapped in your own country – your own home.

It’s March, 13th. It’s Friday. I thought 13 was my lucky number and every Friday on a 13th would be a lucky day for me. But today it’s not. Today I was wrong.

Or maybe I was right and life again is teaching me something.

Never rely on anything or anyone. Never live in the future or in the past. Never regret anything or overthink.

Do it today. Do it now. Enjoy the moment. Live in the moment.

Love and Peace ✌😘

***obviously this text was written on 13th of March, 2020***