Travel Diary 06/22 Part Two

02.06.

11:18 It was getting very late last night when I finally reached my hostel. It was around half past midnight so I’ve been awake for 24 hours yesterday with just a few short naps on the planes. When I entered my room I couldn’t believe how much bigger it was than on the photos online. It even had a closet. The bed looked very comfy and did not diappoint me. I was a little worried that I might wake up a lot because the room was under the stairs and you could hear people walking down. But I slept like a baby.

I had a slow morning and after showering and getting some breakfast I finally set down on the beach. When I woke up one of the first things that crossed my mind was that this will be my “last” day with (long) hair. I also checked the weather and it says it would rain tomorrow. So I decided to rent a sun lounger at the beach which is something I usually wouldn’t do because of saving money but this time I made an exception. I also didn’t bring a towel because of it would have taken too much space in my backpack and renting a beach towel at the hostel (bath towel was provided) would have costed 8€ so why not just rent a sun lounger and let the sun dry you. Now I will relax a little and go for a swim.

13:52 My swim wasn’t really a swim because when I went in and jumped into the first wave the life guards blowed the whistle so I had to come back out and asked them what was going on. They told me that they raised the yellow flag today which means you’re not allowed to go for a swim because there are strong currents. They said “One dive and you can go under.” Looking into the waves I knew they were stronger than usual but I knew I could manage and I trust the ocean. And I’ve also been swimming in more dangerous places before. But I definitely didn’t want to cause any problems for the life guards who were just doing their job and I did watch enough episodes of Bondi Rescue to know that they just mean well for you. And they sure as hell were not interested in my whole life story. So I enjoyed a few more waves at the shoreline before heading back to my sun lounger. I continued reading a book when soon enough the sun disappeared and dark clouds started rising. At first it wasn’t that bad but then after some time the clouds became darker and it was clear that rain was coming. So I packed my few little things and started to make my way back to the hostel. I wasn’t even able to put my shoes on at the asphalt when it started to rain. Small drops at first and I continued walking before the rain quickly went heavier. People started to look for cover but for me it wasn’t that bad – not yet anyway. The more I walked the heavier it rained and suddenly the rain hit really hard. I did think about looking for a shelter and I sure as hell had enough opportunities but I was already wet so I just kept on walking which was hard with the sandals I wore
14:47 so at some point when I was already pitch wet I just put them off and walked bare foot. People who were under a shelter looked at me strangely as I was pretty much the only person walking in this heavy rain and my clothes were just soaked wet.

Then after about good 5 minutes the worst part was over and another 5 minutes the rain stopped completly. I still had a few minutes to the hostel and when I arrived I obviously took a warm nice shower. After chilling a little bit I realised I still had enough time to do something before meeting my friend. So I headed to Cascais, a very beautiful town in Lisbon’s outer area and just one train stop from my hostel. When I arrived it was even nicer than I remembered from last year but unfortunately it was more crowded too so I wasn’t able to get a free bench to continue writing and eventually opening my new Insta account which I intented to do. I kept walking to zones with less or almost none people but these didn’t have a place to sit and the floor was still wet from the rain. After walking around a bit I realised that I didn’t have enough time to do what I had planned so I made my way back to the hostel to grab some things I needed before meeting my friend and finally getting my hair cut.

15:51 I’m sitting on the train on my way to get my hair cut. I start to think about how I will feel afterwards. I get a little nervous. “But why?” says my second voice. “It’s just hair.” I really like my second voice because it’s so straightforward. It’s the reasonable one that cuts straight to the matter. It doesn’t have any emotion which makes it great to seperate stuff from feelings and makes it able to look at things very clearly and matter-of-factly. I’m also very excited to finally meet my friend again and really appreciate that she’ll be there with me. It wouldn’t be the same if I did this all by myself. I mean I am doing it by myself but it’s nice to have someone non-judgemental supporting you.
I look at the people around me and all I can see is their hair and how it defines them. That’s exactly the reason why I want to get rid of that definition. I need to find out who I am without my hair. This thought makes my decision finitely. My hair will go and so will the old me.

20:33 catching up with my friend was great but now it was time to cut my hair. When I sat down on the chair I wasn’t feeling anything at all. The barbers couldn’t belive what I was aksing. “Are you sure?” they asked several times. It took some time for the barber to prepare my hair for the donation I will make and then finally it was time for the first cut. It seemed like the barber felt pure pain having to cut. I really didn’t feel a thing and so it went on. I asked my friend if she wants to cut some too and she did. I took a lot of photos and videos. And then the barber took the razor in his hand and started shaving. And that was it. Only about 1mm of hair was left on my head. For a short moment I thought I looked like my brother. I really liked the feeling I got when wind was blowing. It felt like a really fresh beeeze. And fresh really is the right word for this cut. It also felt very strange to touch the top of my head. When it was gerting hot I’d usually sweat at my neck first. Now all I felt was freshness.
When finished, my friend, the barbers and I went for a bite before they left us and then we had another short walk and catched up before she had to leave for her training.
At first I wanted to go back to the hostel – eager to cut all the videos together and post them. But then suddenly I felt a little hungry and decided to go back to Cascais first to grab a little take-away and retake a video I made before the hair cut for another before-after video.
It’s been 2 hours since my hair came off and already at the station I realised people starring at me. Maybe some of you know how you always look at people – I do that too- but this was different. They were looking at me very strangely. I think I look like a rebel, like an anti system person. And I also think I am. Some might even assume I’m a lesbian because a lot of people think girls with short hair must be lesbians. I’m very excited to see how my family will react to this.

21:28 My first outside food without hair I realise how much easier it is to eat when the wind doesn’t blow your hair in your face all the time. It’s nice to not having to tie it together and another thing I just realise is that if I wear earrings now people are actually gonna see them. So I’m very excited for that because I’ve been collecting earrings since my teenage years but since my mid twenties I hardly ever wear them as with long hair no one would see them anyway. Now I can’t wait to wear them again.

21:54 Another thing I realised is that for me I don’t look different unless I look into a mirror. I think it’s stranger for the other people who look at me. I really appreciate my friend because when we were talking after my haircut I did no have the feeling at all that she was looking at me in a different way.
Back at the hostel when I changed into my PJs I noticed another benefit. The hair doesn’t get stuck when you get out off a T-Shirt.